A visit with a patient who just learned he had terminal brain cancer

As I entered the room there was a deafening silence. For a hospital...
this was out of the norm. At any other time there are nurses
shuffling in and out, IV's chirping, TV's blaring, custodians
rattling carts. Here, there was a erie quietness that made me stop
and wonder what was missing.
James was lying in his bed. His sheets were pulled over his head.
Only his fingers... holding the corners were visible. The linens
outlined his body like a cadaver.

I called his name
      "James"
  He lowered the sheet to his chin
"Why do you have the sheet over your head?" I asked.
    "The light is bothering my eyes"

The room was dark. Only a faint light strained through drawn blinds.
His eyes were moist.
 
"Im chaplain Thomas here at the VA. I came by to see how you are
doing".

"Not too good....
              I have a tumor on my brain. They're going to operate
              tomorrow and try to relieve this pressure in my head".

Tears began to flow down his cheeks. I reached out and placed my
hand on his.

"Yes, I said,  I read this in your chart.
       Do you have any family here."

"Not right now. My wife and my son are on there way here from
out of town. She had to stay home to bury her mother. She lived
with us. She had to deal with that...before she could come here."

James' face was soaked with tears. However his weeping was not
without control. It was more of sadness. Steady streams of grief.
He continued.
        "I don't know how they're going to deal with this.
First her mother...now this. I just don't know what she's going to do."

     Immediately I felt a tremendous sense of inadequacy.

In my world of me... if all is well with me.... then all is well with the world,
fell flat.
        My tongue knotted between my lips. Eventually I spoke.

"James, do you believe God is in control?"

"Yes I do",
   he said.

"Then his grace will be sufficient. "

"I believe so" he said.

"When is your wife and son coming?" I asked.

    "Tonight"

James finally released my hand to wipe his tear stained face.
"They're going to operate tomorrow and try and get rid of this
headache. But...but... it's just not good chap.... It's not good."

I reached for his hand again and prayed a prayer for James.

    I felt his trembling body beneath my grasp. He gripped my hands
    tightly as we both said " amen.

" I look forward to seeing you again James. There will be a chaplain
here to meet your wife tomorrow. I'll see to it.
I'm praying for you"

" Thank you"

As I backed out of his soundless room, the hustle of 2north
engulfed me. I drifted blindly back down toward the office with only
my feet guiding me on the path. In my heart I thought of my wife, my
children...church tonight...inadequacy... and grattitude.